Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
