he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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