They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
