something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
