we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
