Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
