take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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