So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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