your thong is hanging out like whoa
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
