You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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