She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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