No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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