Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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