How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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