well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
