C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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