dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
