No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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