I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
