There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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