My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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