I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
cat food counts as protein by the way
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
