A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
