we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
