My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
