I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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