I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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