Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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