I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
