The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
