is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
