So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
