You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
