I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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