I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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