she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
