So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
