matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
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