Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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