why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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