So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
