You're my little dorito
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
