Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
