dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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