i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
