he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
