Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
