I wish life had little blips of pornography
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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