I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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