chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
