The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
