Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
