I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
