forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
