Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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