how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
