I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
