When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
