Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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